TCHB-058 — A Certain Man's Secret Records, Part 16

"Man is condemned to freedom," Sartre said. Every day we are made to choose. We are made to choose by the freedom to choose. As naturally as breathing, I process materials today as well. Is this work, pleasure, escapism, or an extension of a revelation given to me by God? No one knows. Not even I. They say reason and erection come from the same brain. If so, who can blame the whereabouts of this troubled heart? What I see before my eyes is a perfect body. Regular procedures, unhesitating actions, the irresistible silence of a woman. My uncle's aesthetic sense has reached the realm of art. I used to hate it. But before I knew it, I was worshipping it. They say contempt is the flip side of admiration, and that's exactly what it is. I am reacting with my whole body to the materials of a man I used to think was so "the worst." It's as if my body gave in before my soul. 'Righteousness' died within me a long time ago. "Lying is bad," my father's voice still rings in my eardrums. But Dad, I don't want money. I want to see. Uncensored material, right before my eyes. With all my might. If that's a crime, then I've already been punished. Every night, alone. By being in this industry, my reputation has crumbled like a sandcastle. If the world finds out, "die" will be spray-painted on my door, convenience store cashiers will turn their faces away, and dating app notifications will be silent forever. But even so, I upload today. The material, no, my soul. This act is now a ritual of self-destruction, a sacrifice for rebirth. The women were astonishingly perfect. The lines of their backs, the angles of their legs, the contours of their faces. I stare intently as they are destroyed. And I hold my breath. Beauty resides in destruction. Uncle knows that. Why do people get excited by such images? No, who decided that we shouldn't get excited? The law? Ethics? Or is it common sense? "Common sense is nothing more than the accumulation of prejudices built up by the age of 18," Einstein said. And today, as I drown in a sea of ​​prejudices, I bring you this 'ethically despicable, sexually acclaimed video.' So please, I beg you, don't spread it too much. But, if possible, I want you to watch it more than anyone else. This contradiction is my 'honesty.'