TCHB-058 A Certain Man's Secret Records, Part 16

"Man is condemned to freedom," Sartre said. Every day we are made to choose. We are made to choose by the freedom to choose. As naturally as breathing, I process materials again today. Is this work, a joy, an escape, or an extension of a revelation given to me by God? Nobody knows. Not even me. They say reason and erection originate from the same brain. If that is the case, who can blame this tormented state of mind? All I see before my eyes is a perfect body. Regular procedures, unhesitating actions, and the irresistible silence of a woman. My uncle's aesthetic sense has reached the level of art. I used to hate it. But before I knew it, I was worshipping it. They say contempt is the flip side of admiration, and that's exactly what it was. I'm reacting with my whole body to the very material of this man I used to think was the worst. It's as if my body gave in before my soul did. The concept of 'rightness' died within me a long time ago. My father's voice, telling me, "Lying is wrong," still resonates in my eardrums. But Dad, I don't want money. I want to see it. Uncensored material, right before my eyes. With all my might. If that is a crime, then I have already been punished. Every night, alone. By being involved in this industry, my reputation crumbled like a sandcastle. If this were to become public knowledge, the word "die" would be spray-painted on the door, convenience store cashiers would turn their faces away, and notifications on dating apps would be silenced forever. But even so, I upload today. Materials, no, souls. This act is now a ritual of self-destruction, an offering for rebirth. The women were astonishingly perfect. The lines of their backs, the angles of their legs, the contours of their faces. I stared intently as they began to fall apart. And then I gasped. Beauty resides in destruction. This old man knows that. Why do people get excited by images like this? No, who decided that we shouldn't get excited? Is it the law? Ethics? Or 'common sense'? "Common sense is nothing more than the accumulation of prejudices built up by the age of 18," Einstein said. I'm still drowning in a sea of ​​prejudice today, yet I bring you this 'morally despicable, sexually amazing video.' So please, I beg you. Please don't spread this too much. But, if possible, I'd like you to see it more than anyone else. This contradiction is my 'honesty'.